nobody will ever know~

nobody will ever know y these day i call u fetch me to school~
yea...actually i did thinking to let u have a break..
but too bad..i ask junz he say he wan to finish his PM and at the last choice u suddenly remember u promise to fetch me go college..
am so happy..
but...today wat i so call funny day..
i dun wan 21st anymore..can skip it...no problem...
=]..i am ok with that..
no ppl wan to listen to me nvm...
just buried the secret into the deep hole..
is not the END but i feel like i am the END~
i hope to say goodbye to everyone..
and just die in one shot...
i think i die can make world happier....
and i am happier too...
no worry about everything...no stress..is good..
and i wont compare to others..coz i am dead~ isn't it?
this is the day which i thinking to die ,..
but whether i can do it or not is another story...
so..god bless everyone...
and of course bless my love one...
really hard feeling and my heart full of sourness.....
i feel like i am mad..suddenly wish to cry out very loud..then suddenly say stop then i stop it..
all the tears are falling back to the heart..is flooding inside...

为什么呢？

为什么每一样东西都在变~
如果是那样我生活根本就没有了意义~
我的家庭真可爱~这首歌曾是我小时候和喜欢唱的歌~
怎么现在我觉得我的家庭一点都不可爱了~
面目全非~
当‘你们’有需要我帮助的时候。。哪怕是一点小事。。
只要我可以帮你们分担的。。我都愿意去做。。。
我很努力的挽回。。但我一次又一次的被泼冷水。。。
我的心都冷却了。。结冰后一敲就碎~
一次又一次的发生那种你不知道为什么，也不知道为什么会这样的事情。。
我根本无法承受。。
我恨我自己。。我不应该念书的。。
就算家里只有你愿意念书出人头地那又怎样？
有人会伸出援手帮你吗？
？？
我什么生日也不想要。。我只是想两家人开开心心那就好。。。
这是我这辈子也不会变的心愿。。。
就算我以后长大。。嫁人。。我一样还是当年小小的我。。
渴望有那美好家庭的我。。
开心的告诉别人。。
我有两个妈妈。。
两个爸爸。。
三个哥哥。。
三个姐姐。。
我就是被宠坏。。最小的那一个。。
看来就只有我天真的以为。。

u know wat is world?

this is a fucking tired world..
why they just think everything can done smoothly without a single things to sacrifice?
i duno this i duno that~
everythings become reality i only know..
do u all ever think to discuss with me?
everythings is this ppl say that ppl say..
however i am the one who sleep beside u~
y u don't straight away tell me ask me?
i saw the dead line is getting nearer and nearer~
but where can i get the fucking shit money come out?
mayb if i work part time u rely on me..think that i can feed myself..FINE~
i still can accept..
but i am jst a student didnt do any part time job..
and u are the one who working...~!!!
and u tell me u NO fucking MONEY~!!
ever~!! since i am 1 years old until now..
those fucking word i heard is come from fucking idiot~!!
dun say u are wrong..because u should know..
everything i tell it very very very early~!! 4 years before..
i am pretty sure..since my bf say dun wan go oversea until i convince him go for it..
it is about 3 years ago..
everymonth 1,000...10 month u can have RM10,000..
3 years...u can calculate urself~
that day my bf tell me that his family have the intention to borrow me some money..
u know i am like OMG~!!
can dun treat me so good..??
when others treat me good i will think that how BAD is my own family..
my temper my voice volume all my things i train from here...
dun tell me that i am not a good girl or lack of filial piety...
u know wat is my situation~
i hope i can cry out loud..because i am hopeless now..!!
i duno wat can i do in order to achieve my dream...
or else u can say..is my fault coz i didnt try to do a single things..
so u tell me wat can i DO??

毕业典礼~

久违的diplom毕业典礼终于结束了。。
过的有些平淡。。
妈妈他没有出席颁奖的那一幕。。
原以为他会参加的呢~
我想也没关系吧~反正我还有degree的毕业典礼~
上台拿文凭的那一刻是为了什么？
不就为了可以让爸爸，妈妈看到自己孩子的成就吗？
还以为他们会提早到。。在外面等候~
没想到。。当每个人问我你的家人呢？
来着。。。
看到一个个的手中捧着家人朋友送给他们的花。。
心想，我的花就到了~
没错。。。人来了~没有迟到。。
但是手是空空的？
失望？ 你说呢？？
我真没想到呢~
心好。。我的suipo送上了daisy给我~还有他精心挑选的小熊呢~
让我的毕业典礼顿时变得不空虚~
原谅我没办法去理解一切的一切。
我真的好累~！！！

累积~

有时候累积了很久的心情不是你刻意要去累积的。。。只是强忍着自己。。。觉得自己是坚强的。。。不刻意的累积就慢慢藏在心底。。。就连自己也不知道。。。于是终于有一天她喝醉了。。。弱小的自己跑了出来。。。嚎啕大哭~
她崩溃了~！！重来没有想过会如此的崩溃。。。
别人可能觉得他喝醉了怎么就哭了~笑
但没人能真正地感受到她的心-----伤痕累累。。。

宠坏~♥

今天我觉得自己是被宠坏的~
和二哥，二嫂吃了一顿丰富的早餐
再来和二嫂一个洗脸 ~
一整天的行程都是满满的~
谢谢二嫂今天让我感觉我是幸福的小女人~♥

好想明天也一样被宠坏~
好想我得他会给我惊喜~！！♥
不期望就没有失望~
还是算了~>,<
晚安我的宝贝日记~

笑死我了

如果你能用心做了某样东西却能大方的不被别人重视的话

那我只能说你是上面派来的无所谓天使 ~

实在是笑掉我的牙了~！！

fade away

sometime some feeling just slowly fade away~
what does friends means to me?
for age of 10 i may say for fun~
for age of 15 i may say friend is the best~
for age of 18 i may say gf may always be apart of my soul they know me well and treat me well~
for age of 20..i would do anything for my friends they know me better than others
now~ i couldn't know..i am totally confuse
no ppl will know that..everyday i go to college i like talking non sense and actually i feel so irritated to talk such things...doing some acting show...some feeling i shouldn't pretend but duno since when i try to pretend...
ahh..i still have secondary school friend..but unfortunately the one who promise me always contact with me always listen to me has breach her promise...last time i can remember how we promise each other but it seems i am the only one who catching the rope...i can remember last time if i say i dun wan to talk to u..straight away she will do anything to make me laugh~coz she knw that i am playing with her..but hmm...i cant even think that her reaction is like that~after closing the phone i am like..OMG~ the feeling is not good at all~=[...
mayb i say the same things too much ppl will also feel bored with that...sigh,,


nvm i just found this..
摩羯 VS. 处女 ~ 100% ( 天生一对 )...tehee~ <3<3 love my baoz very much~

最熟悉的陌生人

一个新的学期~
我感慨很多~
我不晓得是别人的改变还是自己的~
如果一个人不想让你懂她心里的感受你在多问也不会懂~
不晓得为什么我觉得关系好复杂~
我的好朋友变成我最熟悉的陌生人~
她突然变得在乎别人如何去看他。。。
你不问，他不说~你问了，她的答案也未必是真的~
她说别人看见他笑其实她心里却在哭泣~
我很想安慰~
但我知道没有用~

why?

why everybody also like that?
i dun ever have this kind of feeling~
but now i have alot alot of bad feeling~
nobody will ask u wan to join or not b4 they decide to do the things~
or mayb 1...2...3..peoples treat the same way means that is my problem?
i should think about it..seriously...

jst a timing~

jst a timing problem and i able to know how people look at me~
how ppl think about me..
and what kind of ppl i am...
that y the rules of mine is still the same..

1. don't blame
2. don't complaint
3. don't play
4. don't talk too much...

i tot my friend will knw me..
i tot my friend say i am the best is true..

learned:
people can complain about me..
i cannot complain back...
coz i din have the qualification ...

我很可怕~

我想我是令人可怕的~
是我想太多吗~？
如果我没有拨打这通电话我应该不会知道这一切~
原来我让人觉得好可怕~
其实我好失望也好想哭~
朋友都怕了~

forever~♥

错~
你的永远的永远~不会只有一个人~
我逞强。。
是应为我不想让你看到我哭泣。。
我们可以抛开面子一辈子这样的走下去吗？
每当夜深人静的时候都很安静
但，心却很吵~

我就像一个典型的山羊~
固执，倔强的爱着你。。
我看似很强
但，我没有安全感~
我很负面 。。
往往我可以劝别人想正面
但，我却不能说服我自己~

如果我们之间可以从来,
我会选择。。。。不认识你
这样，你就 不会那么不快乐~
可能你会找到更好的~
不是吗？

也许想什么前世和永远都是我错了~
我想太多。。
是吗？
也许就像你说的。。
根本没有所谓的永远~
我想都只是我一个人以为有永远吧了~
但我坚持永远~♥

i am not the one~i am so afraid...

this few day i jst wan to play with u..
but y every time when i wan to play with u i jst hurt u?
i am not purposely wan to do that..
but y u shout at me??
i knw very pain..
i try to sayang..
but u jst keep talking so loud..
what can i do?
i feel sorry
y i am so wrong?
-don't blame
-don't talk
-don't play..
this is wat i should remember..
he ask me to get out from his room..
the moment i dont knw what can i do~
i knw actually u not happy at all when u are with me....
now every day i talk loud abit i will make him feel like i am angry...
every day, every week i count
one week will over 5 days he will ask me
"y? are u angry?"
"er...y u sound so fierce"..?
" i make u angry?"
"am i let u feel not good"?
no u are not u are not~
i really feel that i am very fail to be a gf..
dun tell me u are not good..
coz i am the only one who very bad..
i duno y this few week i feel i am very very stress...
not because of my exam...
when when it become like that?
why everything not the same..?
what can i do..to make him happy?
i wan to cry...i wan to cry on ur shoulder..
does u forever belongs to me?
or u wan to be alone?
tell me? or else i wont let u go~
coz i hope u are mine...

my heart i duno what she feeling..
my brain i duno what she thinking
my hand i duno what she doing
my eyes i duno what she hoping
my mouth i duno what she talking
my leg i duno where she going...

my heart is sick...
i am so afraid...
3 times u mean it..u say it..
u wan me to let u go?
i scare i scare i scare..
i hope i can shout out my thinking my feel to my friends..
but i cant..
i knw u dun like...

小的事情~

有些事情对某些人来说只不过是一件
芝麻绿豆的小事~
没有必要小题大做~
但很多是情对我来说~
只要你忽视和忽略了这些小事~
就会变成悲剧~
你总不能让悲剧上演~
我在乎的往往不是那件事~
而是做那件事的人~
同样的事情我可能会去说别人~
但自己却很难~
在别人的观点你往往也忽略了别人~
但在你的观点里别人却忽略了你~
有时也会想说总要为自己想一想~
但如果对方也是不退呢？
那就设么也没得想了 ~

心里开始只有自己~
但， 我最在乎的还是那个人~

今天很开心，
包包帮我做了很多功课 ~
要不是他我一个人怎么能完成呢？
凌晨三点钟~
该睡了~
晚安~
我亲爱的 ~ <3

to the world~

now i only know actually i doing everything people thought i do because i wan to let the world see...
ya..so everything to the world ..include my love..
or actually no best word to describe better than to the world?
hmm..i guess so...so??
i hope the world like it...
yes that's all~ =]
apologize to the world too...
coz born some trouble people like me~

dun ever~

dun ever take the promises as reality
it wont be happen any time...
mayb in a few moment but then it fade away...
my word is saying if i continue ask mai hou cheap? and not u...
dun ever listen probably my word my sentences then become mad...
one day i must be crazy 1st b4 u crazy...
y...in my house?
n y wake my mum n sister up??
y u wan make 3 people cannot slp in the same time...
ok fine...

hate it~

hate the way u talk to me~!!!!
3 times per days..how good~!!

question~

i have asked a question that i not suppose to ask..
as i knw..it wont happen..
after i asked the question , change everything..
sigh...
is my fault...
asking some sort of stupid question...
i am a worthless girl friend in the world~

y i drunk~

omg...that is so shame to talk about talk...
mayb the feeling is really or extremely high..
but i really duno y i cry~!!
omfg~!!
CRY CRY CRY~!! since when i become a girl that like to CRY??
is that everything really solve?
i am too fear to have a life without u~
am i scare~!!
am i so weak at all...
y u CRY~!!
heartache now~
i hate myself so much~ hate my tears..
hate my heart...
hate my thinking~
let it go?
let it be?
i dun wan everything change~
but i make it...y i do so?
i hate myself...everytime cannot accept..this one not good that one bad~!!
wtf~!! are liew xiao hui are u ok?
that a scar in my heart waiting u to heal~
me again~how about him?
so he no scar at all..see...
i just think about myself...!!! really F****

dun talk at here~

talking to the moon better~

两个人~

我们两个人~
多久了？
我们有好多好多的事没有试过两个人一起做~
我们没有试过去旅行~
我们很久没有看电影~
我们没有试过两个人坐在星巴克和咖啡~
我们没有试过两个人到很远的地方吃东西~
我们也没试过即兴想去一些地方或吃一些东西。。二话不说你就牵着我的手去~
就我们两个哦~
我们很久没有两个人去拍拖了~
每天见面也是拍拖吗？
还是从学校沿途回家就是两个人的世界了？
感觉完全的不一样~
我只想和你两个人一起出去~
沉醉在你的怀抱里~
你又想过吗？
我不可以追求我要的感情~ =]

sometime i wish...

是你的私事 你的决定

用不着聪明 心诚则灵

不须要在意 谁的反应

无论当时多清醒

又有谁能完全确定

人人都高兴 爱会很公平

歌也许 会永远动听

人只怕剩寂寥身影

我总是羡慕你有本领

追求你要的感情

虽然结局不一定

不去试试怎么行

爱 让人不明白

用尽整个心对待

总还是要猜

爱 有谁真明白

尽管再费心安排

也不一定精彩

歌也许 会永远动听

人只怕 剩寂寥身影

告诉我你用什么本领

追求你要的感情

虽然结局不一定

你说的我都想听

爱 让人不明白

用尽整个心对待

总还是要猜

爱 有谁真明白

尽管再费心安排

也不一定精彩

爱 何必太明白

你那么用心对待

就是错也精彩

爱 何必太明白

你那么细心安排

谁又忍心责怪

忙碌~

忙碌的生活你又看透了什么啊？
除了忙碌还是忙碌？
为什么人们就会想着自己有多忙碌~
就连放工，吃饭都想着自己有多忙碌~那可真是忙碌~！累~
放松点吧~

无聊的呆在家里仅一个月了~
我又做了些什么？
衣服依旧乱乱的。。
书架依旧是脏脏的~
心理也依旧期待我的惊喜和奇迹~
可是想也是空想~

无奈的期待。。
倒不如别想可能就会有奇迹？？
可是。。。倒数3天了~

过了3天后的见面和同居的日子也是我期待之一~
但那时候却已不是惊喜了。。
我没有因此而不开心~
但只是有点失望吧了~

再这3天我依然期待惊喜出现~
虽然我懂成功的机率只是百分之一~
但愿那美好的希望会出现~
我的他又看到吗？

i miss u

sometime i no need to draw a cartoon and draw out all the intestines rite?
i waiting for my surprise everyday..i hope i wish i can see u..
mayb today?
tomorrow?
next day..
not only weekend..
but all those things..is jst my HOPE~
i promise you..i will trust u..100% when u say yes or no
but trust me..
women 6 sense is very accurate =]
watever all the things is gone..
i am waiting the happy lao bao bao that i knw faster cum back to me..
he is belong to ME~^^

我爱你~

其实我好开心我的他可以陪我和我的朋友到马六甲去。。
那天有四对情侣。。
好开心哦。。
但我怎么看见他脸上充满疲惫，哀愁的样子。。？
是感到无聊吗？
那天我们就为了那么一点小事而吵架。。
他可能真的忍了我很久很久了。。
他说出了不该说的话。。

我想我这个啰嗦的女人不能要吧~！！

而我们曾经答应对方不再说这句话。。
当时的我真的很难过。。
因为他要我不用再找他了。。
你认为我做得到吗？
我有那么的潇洒吗？

我确定我的直觉是没错的。。
而我。。也曾告诉我自己。。
如果有那么一天他说出那一句。。
我永远永远头不会原谅他。。
我也不想听。。
但事实证明我是爱他的。。
我害怕。。我但心。。
我怕他真的不要我了。。
但我好开心因为我知道我是爱他的。。
无论我对自己许下什么承诺我一样可以打破它。。
只为了我的爱。。
我想我很自私~
本来你可能已经下定决心的事情又变了~
我这么可以那么自私呢？

我不是以前的我了。。
因为我发觉我更爱你。。一直都是。。永远都是。。
想必你比我更辛苦。。
你也开始有我有的习惯了。。。
我这个人就永远只会让人感到疲惫。。
我一点都不习惯这三个月没有你和我一起睡，一起上课。。逗我开心的日子。。
我等待那天的到来~

the 3rd days~

他不在的第三天~
今天很不开心~
因为他没有告诉我你去吃东西了。。
我问他为什么没有告诉我。。
他却说一定要说的吗？
让我好难过。
这不是我们的习惯吗。。
我们说好的~

我到了哪儿我都打给他让他知道分享。。
但就那么刚好我回到学校还没打给他。。
他却说我去哪里都没有打给他。。
让我更难过。。
我想告诉他我到了广场逛逛。。
他盖了我的电话。。
我想他应该是在忙。。
还是别打了。。
但我又想他可能不小心按错了
所以我再拨一通
也是被挂了。。
我只好等他回电~
等他回电时我问了我最常问的问题~
我问为什么挂我电话~
我发誓我当时的语气是在发问问题吧了。。
他说在学习着如何借我电话~
但他的语气却让我觉得刚刚我在责备他。。
以前他不会这样的~'
顶多会用很温柔或比较低声的语气告诉我~

是我想太多了吗~
但我真的好难过。。。。。

想你是我每天的习惯~

开心~
伤心~
包送了我一架完完全属于我的手机~
我很开心~
他说手机可以陪着我~
但是我要的是人~
沿路回家我真的好想哭哦。。

今天，
是包离开的第二天~
我真的真的很想念他~~！！！
虽然情人节不是什么大日子~
但看见酒吧，餐厅里的布置
和一对对的情侣突然有种莫名的寂寞。。
好想投入你的怀抱~

晚上临睡前亲亲手机里的他
是我每天的习惯~

我希望包包在那里工作一切顺顺利利~
我在这里也顺顺利利~ =]
加油哦~

i have many things to update~

is 2011 now...
but..i'm going to update wat happen on end of 2010..hahaha
today is mama birthday..
wish her happy birthday hope she can always sta healthy and happy..
i love u mother~ =]

21st nite..is natalie birthday..
but i have present too..
from 2 of my sis.. thx 3 of my sister =]

my birthday 1223
this year i got 3 part of celebration..

22th morning
my sis and mum try to put the present on the bed there..
wish i could see..
but hahaha...i go in the bed room and see nothing,.
then keep ask me go inside n c...
finally..i found that my sister bought 2 necklace for me..
and one dress~
coz she know i need that for the nite
nite...
i went to Schantury clubbin with my friend
have a crazy nite...until 3am..
then we have our supper + super early breakfast at murni mamak..
thats all for that day...
my love...

23th..
early in the morning...
my sa po sister open some funny and nice birthday song for me..
feel so warm...although i showing sleepy face..><
go out with my baoz on that day..
we duno what to eat then decide to eat kenny rogers..
hmmm..the taste is change..not wat i expect..
but happy..as long as the one who eat with me..is u...
my baoz say he buy all the stuff wat eva i wan..
but my shopping mood is OFF.. so only buy one spec and one shirt...
thats all..
after that i going back to mami house...
they celebrate with me..
i get one ang pao from my aunt from Australia and one present from my yii sou ^^ i am so sad that i only care about the cake..
forget to take photo with my dearest family and my baoz ..
from there i knw the cake is my bro and baoz go to buy together...
i really appreciate it.. thank you very muchie...
is strawberry cake.. my love..
and receive a presest from my brother n wan yeen jie jie.^^ thank you and appreciate what my baoz done for me. .although is simple but happy..


24th....
is time to party..
coz is christmas eve...
our gang decide to have a party at junz genting house..
happy day too..
and they all celebrate my late birthday on that day too,,
thankz all of u..
although i know the surprise long time ahaha
thankz my dear n babe go so far to buy the macadamia cake for me nice..really nice..^^
and i also receive the heart from both of u..love..muax..
we exchange present on that day..
then go up to genting..
too late go bed..the next day was so tired...>,<
end of the story..
thx for all the present =]