nobody will ever know~

nobody will ever know y these day i call u fetch me to school~
yea...actually i did thinking to let u have a break..
but too bad..i ask junz he say he wan to finish his PM and at the last choice u suddenly remember u promise to fetch me go college..
am so happy..
but...today wat i so call funny day..
i dun wan 21st anymore..can skip it...no problem...
=]..i am ok with that..
no ppl wan to listen to me nvm...
just buried the secret into the deep hole..
is not the END but i feel like i am the END~
i hope to say goodbye to everyone..
and just die in one shot...
i think i die can make world happier....
and i am happier too...
no worry about everything...no stress..is good..
and i wont compare to others..coz i am dead~ isn't it?
this is the day which i thinking to die ,..
but whether i can do it or not is another story...
so..god bless everyone...
and of course bless my love one...
really hard feeling and my heart full of sourness.....
i feel like i am mad..suddenly wish to cry out very loud..then suddenly say stop then i stop it..
all the tears are falling back to the heart..is flooding inside...

为什么呢？

为什么每一样东西都在变~
如果是那样我生活根本就没有了意义~
我的家庭真可爱~这首歌曾是我小时候和喜欢唱的歌~
怎么现在我觉得我的家庭一点都不可爱了~
面目全非~
当‘你们’有需要我帮助的时候。。哪怕是一点小事。。
只要我可以帮你们分担的。。我都愿意去做。。。
我很努力的挽回。。但我一次又一次的被泼冷水。。。
我的心都冷却了。。结冰后一敲就碎~
一次又一次的发生那种你不知道为什么，也不知道为什么会这样的事情。。
我根本无法承受。。
我恨我自己。。我不应该念书的。。
就算家里只有你愿意念书出人头地那又怎样？
有人会伸出援手帮你吗？
？？
我什么生日也不想要。。我只是想两家人开开心心那就好。。。
这是我这辈子也不会变的心愿。。。
就算我以后长大。。嫁人。。我一样还是当年小小的我。。
渴望有那美好家庭的我。。
开心的告诉别人。。
我有两个妈妈。。
两个爸爸。。
三个哥哥。。
三个姐姐。。
我就是被宠坏。。最小的那一个。。
看来就只有我天真的以为。。

u know wat is world?

this is a fucking tired world..
why they just think everything can done smoothly without a single things to sacrifice?
i duno this i duno that~
everythings become reality i only know..
do u all ever think to discuss with me?
everythings is this ppl say that ppl say..
however i am the one who sleep beside u~
y u don't straight away tell me ask me?
i saw the dead line is getting nearer and nearer~
but where can i get the fucking shit money come out?
mayb if i work part time u rely on me..think that i can feed myself..FINE~
i still can accept..
but i am jst a student didnt do any part time job..
and u are the one who working...~!!!
and u tell me u NO fucking MONEY~!!
ever~!! since i am 1 years old until now..
those fucking word i heard is come from fucking idiot~!!
dun say u are wrong..because u should know..
everything i tell it very very very early~!! 4 years before..
i am pretty sure..since my bf say dun wan go oversea until i convince him go for it..
it is about 3 years ago..
everymonth 1,000...10 month u can have RM10,000..
3 years...u can calculate urself~
that day my bf tell me that his family have the intention to borrow me some money..
u know i am like OMG~!!
can dun treat me so good..??
when others treat me good i will think that how BAD is my own family..
my temper my voice volume all my things i train from here...
dun tell me that i am not a good girl or lack of filial piety...
u know wat is my situation~
i hope i can cry out loud..because i am hopeless now..!!
i duno wat can i do in order to achieve my dream...
or else u can say..is my fault coz i didnt try to do a single things..
so u tell me wat can i DO??